Failure, frustration, Health, school

Child comparison is slow poison

In a building, lived a couple, Simon and Andrea. They both were very hard-working and equally talented. They had a daughter named Janet who was very clever and beautiful.

In that same building lived another couple Aadil and Rehana, who also had a lovely daughter named Asma, she was average in studies however she was smart in other activities.

Janet and Asma were very close friends. They used to study in the same school and also in the same class.

Simon and Andrea were very open-minded parents; never kept religion as a barrier, they always encouraged Janet; on the other hand Asma’s parents were conservative, constantly nagging and not amiable.

As Asma’s parent’s nature was reserved, they never used to send her to Janet’s house to play. However, Janet’s parents never held this as a grudge; they were always friendly and thought rather they send Janet to Asma’s house to play.

Asma’s parents liked Janet a lot. They always spoke well about her.

Janet was a rank holder in her class because of which Asma’s parents use to keep nagging her saying “see your friend how smart she is, every time she scores the highest number.”

Soon Janet became the head girl and class monitor which made Asma’s parents compare her to Janet even more.

Time went by, and Janet grew up getting encouragement from her parents in everything she did, on the other hand, Asma grew up with insults, comparison and negative comments from her parents.

This kind of behavior made Asma very aggressive; slowly she started hating Janet for her smartness. The average student once upon a time was now going down in her grades, she started hating studies. She was jealous of everything that Janet did.

Finally, it came to a point where Asma stopped talking to Janet and got into bad company. She always tried to find ways to put Janet down however was never successful.

Janet was very patient with Asma and decided she will speak to her and try to resolve any issues between them, however Asma was not willing to even look at Janet’s face. She then thought to have a word with her parents and tell them about this matter. They were shocked upon knowing such a happening was taking place.

They decided to speak to Asma’s parents and mention about the matter. This thing took Asma’s parents by surprise as their daughter never mentioned anything to them. Janet mentioned she missed her friend and wishes good for her.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

A few days passed, finally Asma’s parents brought up the topic and asked her why she isn’t speaking to Janet anymore and again they started praising Janet in front of her. On this Asma got angry and said, this is the reason I hate Janet because she is good in everything, you’ll only talk well about her. Whenever I have done something, worked hard and tried to get better marks you’ll never spoke anything good about me. For you’ll only Janet is a good child and till date you’ll are the same.

Asma’s parents were shocked; they realized what a mistake they did. They were slowly poisoning their daughters mind with all the comments and comparisons. They apologized to Asma and said we never thought of hurting you; we are sorry for doing this. We did not realize that our words disappointed you so much. They went to meet Janet and her parents and resolved the matter, Asma apologized for her behavior with Janet and soon things got back to normal.

A common issue in many families is this; comparison of your child to another’s. We never realize each child is different, their abilities, weaknesses and strengths are not the same.

Why do we always forget that our child is our creation? Whatever they do reflects us in them.

We need to understand that our child is special no matter if they are weak or smart.

Comparing your child will only build in hatred in their mind, sometimes this can lead to unexpected incidents.

Every child is born with a different ability, help them develop themselves; give them space to grow their dreams. Don’t be the reasons of their failure.

At the end of this, I would only say, your child portray’s you be it good or bad.

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